What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 13:42
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Water Discovered Around a Young, Sun-Like Star For First Time - ScienceAlert
My family never makes their pension either.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Im still living with it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We all went to grammer schools
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were not on the streets..
An Extreme Drop in Oxygen Will Eventually Suffocate Most Life on Earth - ScienceAlert
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was 9 years of age.
Paris Erupts in Celebrations, Riots After PSG Wins Champions League - WSJ
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Are people who cite the 2nd Amendment honestly familiar with what it establishes?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Nintendo Switch 2 Launch Week Restocks - Here's What We Know So Far - GameSpot
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So, i spoilt her more .
But it wasn’t much.
What's the most trivial thing that ever made you go to the doctor?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was very sick at this time too.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was in good health!
She married twice! .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was scared of men, in general
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
This is soul school!.
Ive learnt so much.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I said to her
Was to survive, this bastard.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I have no regrets .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I couldn’t, believe it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She wouldn,t have been !
I did it because my mum asked me too!
When she asked me how she looked .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
(And it was in our own minds.)
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
So whats the point in blame.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was seconnd youngest,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Put me off passion for life!!
She loved him until the end.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I write beautiful poetry .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But, we were locked up after school.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot live in the past .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It was going to be , some day.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why did i forgive my father ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I waited trembling.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What did i know ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i lived it daily.
My life is so biszare .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Would this be the day?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I could never make a relationship work though!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Who then, do I blame.?
I think the readers, may guess!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I don,t even have a pension.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I will be 64.
She found it foreign!.
He knew the spot.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!